Monday, October 23, 2006 ­
I am excited at the thought of doing a facilitator training out at CIW (California Institute for Women, Corona State Prison) tomorrow. Sometimes I get so frustrated at how difficult it can be to get a program going when I so firmly believe in COMPASS and the value it can provide. So opportunities like this thrill me.

We will be starting a COMPASS class as part of the Alpha Re-Entry Program that has recently started at CIW. Alpha Re-Entry is an innovative, faith-based rehabilitation program designed to reduce recidivism. It’s operating as a collaborative with other faith-based and community organizations. There are many ways that Alpha is innovative, one of which is that the people I am training to help co-facilitate COMPASS are two inmates. I have been wanting for years to get peer facilitation of COMPASS. It is something that makes so much sense to me as it seems to me one of the most obvious ways to empower at-risk populations. It is finally going to happen! Wow! I think that this will be a great test case. I am delighted that I personally will have an opportunity to help make it happen.

While the COMPASS program has been used at other correctional facilities, it will be the first time that I will be entering a prison. I’m thrilled and a little nervous about it. I think because of my previous work with parolees, which has been quite successful, I feel confident about connecting with the women. Yet, there is always the factor of the unknown.

I do so love facilitating any aspect of COMPASS. It’s the part of my work that I love the most. The majority of my time is spent at my desk, doing all the work involved with running a non-profit organization. But my passion is being out in the field, whether facilitating COMPASS sessions or speaking to people about Forward Step and our COMPASS program, so I’m eager to do this training.

I’ve been told by Barbara Barker, the Alpha Coordinator at CIW, that dress is restricted for security reasons. I find the restrictions fascinating, some of which are: though bras are required, no under-wire bras are allowed (won’t pass through the metal detectors); no green clothing, brown pants or tan shirts as the guards wear those colors; no blue clothing (as much of the inmates’ clothing is blue); and no double sets of clothing (i.e. two shirts, shorts/pants combo, etc.). The restrictions are a very physical reminder of the reality of going inside. It is slightly scary to me as my tendency is to see the best in people. It is useful for me to remember that many of the women behind the walls have transgressed in violent and dangerous ways. Needing to be careful about what I wear is a bit of a wake-up call.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 ­
The training at CIW yesterday was fantastic! The two inmates (I’ll call them Judy and Susan) who will be helping to run the program, are bright and eager. They were so attentive and responsive during the training, sharing deeply and asking relevant questions. I felt so fully present and engaged, responding eagerly to their enthusiasm and delighted with their readiness.

They seem so ready to take on the responsibility. At the end, while discussing the challenges of the logistics, they were instrumental in helping to figure out the schedule with Barbara and me. Their input really mattered. I was grateful to have their support. It gave me an added dimension of hope that the COMPASS program will work at CIW, having support from the inside, from those whom we are working to reach, in addition to the support I am getting from Barbara.

It was fascinating being inside. While I had been to a county jail and have worked with parolees, it was my first time inside a prison. I had expected a repressive physical environment and was surprised with what I saw. Yes, there were fences all around the prison, topped with barbed wire, and the buildings were austere. But other sights greeted me with a softer presence. A cat welcomed me at the walkway before I entered the prison. Other cats wandered around inside. The yard was actually lovely, a grassy expanse. Depending on the time of day or evening, it can be vacant or filled with women. When they yard is open and the women are outside, there is a lot of activity. Clusters of women socialize. Others are out with their dogs, a job they have as a trainer for the prison dog project, training dogs for people with disabilities. Somehow, these signs of normalcy gave me a sense of hope that at least some of these women can be reached and rehabilitated.

Friday, November 3, 2006 ­
I am looking forward to the Alpha conference next week. I enjoy networking, connecting with others who are working to make a difference, especially those on the front line. I also look forward to starting our COMPASS class at CIW. This will be the first time I will be going into prison to facilitate COMPASS myself. I am so excited. I love facilitating this program.

Barbara wrote to me and the other collaborators today. She has been asked to represent the Collaborators at the dorm blessing and asked us for input “that shows the impact of this program and our participation. In other words, what makes you sacrifice time to do this?”

As I thought about this, I felt anxious. I wanted to find the words that would be able to describe my passion, why I am doing the work I am doing with Forward Step and why I think it is so important. I feared that what I would write won’t be adequate, won’t be able to really reach people so that they would understand.

I wrote back: “I’m struggling with what to say, writing something then deleting it. So, here goes again. Use any of this if it works for you:

I do the work I do in the hope of making a difference. What I aim to do is: give people the tools for success and wellbeing and teach them to use them; help people heal their pain a little; help them to see more of the opportunities in life; help them to move from victim hood and blame to empowerment and choice; share what I’ve learned in such a way that it helps others to greater understanding; share my love and compassion in such a way that it moves others to do the same. When I manage to do any of this, I feel so blessed. We achieve success with each person who is touched in such a way that she knows that she matters and that she, too, can make a difference.”

Tuesday, November 7, 2006 ­
The Alpha Re-Entry conference was magnificent. Though fairly small, it was a gathering of passionate, warm people who believe deeply in what they are doing and are interested in collaborating with others who are like-minded. People came from England and Canada as well as from across the United States. It was very up-beat in a genuine way. Sunday night when we arrived, there was a band playing Christian music. I ended up dancing in the aisles!

I had connected with Jack Cowley, the National Director of Alpha USA Prisons & Re-Entry, to ask about having a vendors’ table for Forward Step. He gave his approval, so part of the plan for attending involved preparing our display. Jim Scheel, one of our board members, joined me for the conference. I was so delighted to have his companionship and support. So, Monday morning, Jim and I arrived early to set up our table. He and I manned the table, sharing with the various delegates about Forward Step and the work we are doing. It was a great way to connect. The speakers were inspirational. One thing that stuck me was the openness. While Alpha Re-Entry is a faith-based program with a Christian orientation, there was an acceptance of different approaches to Spirit. A number of speakers mentioned that there were different ways to pray and celebrate Spirit (including the singing and my dancing!). One of the speakers mentioned his view that finding Jesus was not enough in terms of an offender succeeding in the outside world, that other kinds of education and support were needed. It is one of the aspects of the Alpha Re-Entry program that I deeply respect, the balanced curriculum which includes Spirituality, Daily Living, Parenting and Anger Management. Our COMPASS life skills program is part of the Daily Living component.

Monday afternoon, most of us traveled from the conference location in San Diego to CIW for a dedication. It was an awesome occasion. The dedication was in the auditorium. Most all of the delegates from the convention were there, about 50 of us. We were joined by the 140 women inmates in the Alpha Re-Entry program. It was incredible to me to have the mix. We had some refreshments and then sat for the presentations, including some fabulous singing by a quartet of inmates. The warden spoke, a remarkable woman who seems to balance openness to innovative ideas with the need for security. More speakers followed, including testimonials by some of the inmates. Barbara spoke, representing the Collaborators. She read the offering that I wrote, after which a couple of the woman near me started crying. One of the women commented, “Sometimes in here it’s hard to remember that you matter.” (paraphrased) It is such a deep human need to know that we matter. In the prison environment, it can be so hard for the inmates to stay in touch with that. It was deeply satisfying to me to know that what I wrote was so poignant.

After the presentations, we went over to the dorm for a blessing. Some of us were allowed inside. The inmates stood outside the doors of their cells, each with her bunky, which is what they call their roommates. I was one of the delegates allowed inside. We moved down into the hallways, dotted amongst the inmates. We formed small circles, a mixture of mostly inmates with a few delegates in each circle. A minister led the blessing of the building. Then in unison, each circle spoke a blessing. To me, the energy of love and hope was palpable. I felt honored to be present to such an occasion.

Saturday, November 11, 2006-
We started the COMPASS classes at CIW last night. It was grueling and disappointing. Barbara had wanted to get other classes going on Friday nights but hasn’t been able to. So, instead of having one half or one third of the women, the COMPASS class had all of them! There were over 100 women in attendance. It made it difficult to reach them since I had to lean to a more lecture style than facilitation style. One of the aspects of COMPASS that makes it powerful is that it is more about facilitating to empower people to find their own answers rather than telling them what the answers are. It was difficult last night to facilitate quality sharing and exploration. I felt exhausted by the time the session was done.

Saturday, November 25, 2006 ­
Relief! We split the whole group into two groups. The women are alternating coming to the COMPASS class, one half every other Friday. It makes it much more manageable. We’ve done the “Making a Difference” session the last two weeks. The smaller groups made it easier to facilitate discussion. I was reassured as the women opened up to share their thoughts and stories about what it takes to make a difference.

Saturday, December 2, 2006 ­
I would like to be able to get the two inmates I trained to start helping out, but it has been difficult to do so. It has been frustrating, since it is logistically challenging to talk with them ahead of time, so it’s hard to plan how to work with them. So, I was delighted when “Judy” contributed in a wonderful way last night. We were doing the Photo Justice session. Her comments and questions demonstrated that she had perceived some of the more subtle points in the film. Her sharing was very poignant, revealing an in-depth self-examination as well as showing a powerful degree of cognitive exploration.

I was so touched last night when one of the women (I’ll call her Agnes) came up to me after the session and said that COMPASS was her favorite class because it gives her freedom to be who she is. I suspect that it is because she is Native American. The spiritual undercurrent to the COMPASS character development and life skills class is subtle and secular in nature in that it is non-aligned with any specific religion. It can give support to anyone, regardless of her/his religious beliefs or practices. We had been talking about what it takes for us to change. One of the women had said that she wasn’t able to change her life until she found Jesus. I said that was great, and that different things worked for different people. We all have different paths to get to the top of the mountain. We discussed that concept for a while and the importance of being non-judgmental. I later shared with “Agnes” that one of my hopes is to get the COMPASS program onto the reservations. The stats for Native Americans in terms of substance abuse and suicide are tragic. I truly think that a program like COMPASS could help. “Agnes” agreed.

• (American Indians) have the highest suicide rate and lowest life expectancy. Alcohol addiction is rampant…. One out of every two girls on the reservation tries suicide by 16, and one out of every three boys. (Parade Magazine, July 1999)
• From 1979-1992, overall homicide rates for Native Americans were about 2.0 times higher, and suicide rates were about 1.5 times higher, than U.S. National rates. (National Center for Injury Prevention & Control)
• Statistics report that the rate of alcohol-related deaths is about eight times greater for Native Americans than for the U.S. population as a whole. (Native American Youth and Alcohol, Greenwood Publishing Group)

Saturday, December 9, 2006 ­ The class was canceled last night. The count was late for some reason, which made dinner late, which delayed the yard opening, which meant that the women couldn’t get to the class in a timely way. The more I learn about the complications of the prison environment, the more I am amazed at the Alpha Re-Entry program and the work that they are doing. The challenges are immense, yet somehow the work proceeds. My heart goes out to all who help make it happen.

Thursday, December 14, 2006 ­ Got an email from Barbara that “the institution is on quarantine all week for chickenpox” so the COMPASS class is cancelled for tomorrow night.

Friday, December 22, 2006 ­ Barbara called to discuss tonight. There is going to be a Christmas celebration with caroling on the yard which would probably hamper the turn out for the COMPASS class. I chose to cancel the class. I didn’t want to ask the women to make a choice between a celebration that their spirit needed and a life skills class.

Saturday, December 29, 2006 ­ Another woman came up to me last night to say that she loved the COMPASS class because it is so interesting and challenging. She thinks that some of the women dislike it for the same reason: that it is challenging and makes them think, that it asks them tough questions. I was feeling some resistance in the group last night, so maybe that is part of the reason why.

We had been talking about lying, if it is ever okay to lie, and if so, when it might be. Thoughts and stories came up related to how lying would be okay to save a life. I talked about how choices aren’t always easy and clear, black and white; that life can be complex; and that sometimes we have to make difficult choices.

I’m encouraged to have two women now who have gone out of their way to mention to me that COMPASS is a special class for them. To me, it proves the benefits of the Alpha collaborative. Because there are a variety of programs, there is a greater chance of reaching and having a positive impact on the women. Different programs will speak to and be more powerful to different women.

Saturday, January 06, 2007 ­ Yippee! Yahoo! Great class last night. I could see their minds lighting up, heard the realizations. It was the “How Your Mind Works” session, which is one of my favorites and is, in a way, the corner stone of the COMPASS program. I started with how the COMPASS class is about creating more of what they want in their lives; that if they like the outcomes they’ve been getting, no need for the work; but if they don’t, this could help them make the needed changes to create the outcomes they want. I led them through the introductory set up, exploring the thoughts that a challenging situation might stir up (the hypothetical case I provided was a challenging assignment given by a superior at work). I loved their truthfulness. Right off the top, one shared a thought about “It’s a set up.” A full range of thoughts flowed, such as “I could ask questions about it.”, “This is interesting.”, “I’ll make a mistake”, etc. They moved easily into discovering and discussing the emotions that the thoughts might generate; the behaviors that the emotions might lead to; and the outcomes that might occur as a result of the behaviors. When I wrote the condensed sequence on the flip chart (situation to thought to emotion to action to outcome), the energy in the room rose. They leapt to asking questions that were related to where I wanted to take them! They were teaching the class for me! They started looking at and asking questions about how they could change, at what point in the sequence. Could they actually change their thoughts and emotions? Or just intercept to change what action they might be likely to take? The discussions were off and running and the resulting realizations were profound. At the end, Barbara asked them to share what they got out of the session. Quite a few stood, one at a time, to share with the group. It was powerful and rewarding.

( More to come!)