"Paul Danzer"

Paul was associated with Forward Step from its beginning. He had made some mistakes in his past and ended up in jail. This is his story

Inside Men's Central Jail, it's a jungle. There's tension all the time, beatings, and sometimes a mini-riot. When you first go in there, you're scrutinized carefully and everybody is classed: whites with whites, blacks with blacks, Latinos with Latinos. I was in the "Other" category, so I could get along fairly well with everyone.

When I first got there, I asked if the jail had a life skills program. But there was no education and nothing to help people change themselves. I contacted Bibi and she sent me the COMPASS program. I asked the men if they were interested. I got 10 people and did 2 classes in a day. We took turns reading the material out loud. Some fellas were embarrassed at first because they were reading for the first time, learning to read through doing the program. We were patient with them and helped them.

The men felt themselves changing as they were doing the program. Some people said they had never taken the time to think about the things COMPASS asked them to look at. They never had or didn't want counseling. This program helped them to see beyond themselves, that there is a better way to improve their nature. Some of the guys were pretty hard-core, repeaters. They'd taken things like this before. But what made COMPASS mean something is that it really addressed their problems very quickly, got to the root of them. Many had emotional problems that they never revealed to anybody, ever, until they sat down with us, so it put them through some major changes.

We took turns leading the group. It was very effective. The guys were able to sit down and relate, because they were there for a common goal. We had black, white and Latino sitting next to each other on the same bunk. It helped the color barrier quite a bit.

We'd ask: "What would you like to do in your life? How are you going to change?" They would write what they wanted to do and set their goals for the future. They also had to do it as a presentation. Some were really heartfelt. A lot of crying went on because they had never opened up like that and it had a far-reaching affect on them. The program allowed them to look at what they did in their lives that hurt somebody. They would see the error of their ways and it got very emotional. Their whole persona changed. Little miracles happened. I really witnessed some wonderful things. Some of these guys were really excited to have a new window opened for them, to have a light come on in their head, to let go and express themselves as they had never been able to before . When I went to state prison, I managed to have little meetings and continue working with COMPASS.

The COMPASS program changed me. Every meeting gave me more strength. I was seeing things in a much clearer way. The program helped me review my life, make evaluations, understand more what my choices had been and let me make better choices. I was strong enough to go up to people and say "I think you should be thinking about things to do other than that", when they were going to do something negative, like tattooing. Sitting down and talking with them, I wouldn't dictate. I'd just say "Hey, you know what? Let me walk you through this. Let's see where this is going to take you." Sometimes it was effective and sometimes it wasn't. Often, I would go in and fix it. I was determined to create something positive out of the negativity going on in there.

I learned a lot about myself while there. When these guys were pouring their guts out, I got to sit back and say to myself "Hey, you know, that sounded like me." And I would turn to them and say "When it's over, what are we going to do different? How are we not going to come back here again?" And I was asking myself that same question.

The COMPASS program motivated me. I knew that when I came out that I had a purpose and a lot of goals. Goal setting is really important. I never thought about it until I got involved with COMPASS.

Even now, speaking with people on the outside, I hear them saying, "Well, what if I do this and do that?" And I look at them. Because the outside world is no different than the inside. People on the outside make the same mistakes as the ones that put us in there.

I still have to evaluate myself each day. I always have something to look back on, to think about, to see how I've progressed and how I'm still going to. There is always something to remind me: I can go back in or I can stay out. I have something to look forward to. I go out each day thanking God that I have this day. Had I not helped teach the COMPASS program to others, and had them teaching me, I can't even begin to fathom where I would be right now. What did I learn from COMPASS? I learned how to be human. I have more to my life now. And I have much more to accomplish.